So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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