If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
