I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have feelings that need drinking.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
