I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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