Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
