ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
