How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
