im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
