i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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