It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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