They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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