I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
