ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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