sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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