no, he came in my armpit
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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