why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
