Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
