he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
