i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
