I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
