dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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