Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
