ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
