Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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