I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
