I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's like heaven, but drunker
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
