the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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