Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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