she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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