I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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