Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I enjoy the company of your penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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