The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
