There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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