I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
