then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
