Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
