Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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