i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
