I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
