Your dad touched me again.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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