chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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