I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
