then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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