Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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