Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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