Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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