Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
