So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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