yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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