So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
