oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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