dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
