Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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