he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
