Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
