I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
