We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
