There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
