I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
