The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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