i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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