Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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