hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
