I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
