do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she smelled like a LAN party
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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