i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
