I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
