things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
