I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My vagina is very pro this idea
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