and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
