How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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