mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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