and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
