I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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