You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
