my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize