who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Barsexuality is the new black.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
