I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
